My fault entirely: my wife L’Anne forwarded a link to the Mountain Warehouse, advertising their sale. So off I go – outside the shop, a friend of mine who works there was handing out the equivalent of a BOGOF coupon (I know I need two cycle clips, two gloves, two shoes etc but two hats? Two water bottles? Two helmets?). Anyway, in I go – big mistake. I emerge clutching a whole pile of ‘stuff’, conning myself that it’ll all still be useful after Paris.

Worse: whilst there, I was assured that Ortlieb were the only panniers to get (they don’t stock them, though). Back home, I google ‘Ortlieb’. I find that Sustrans have a quasi-offer on them and, taking a deep breath (man, these are pricey saddlebags!), press ‘send’. They arrive Friday. I’ll then kit myself out for a fashion show, take a selfie and let you ‘all’ in on it.

Ricky